一个人没有做某件事的原因就是这个人没有做这件事，与其他任何原因没有关系。所有的原因都是找理由，都是替罪的羔羊，都是自我麻醉的毒药，都是在饮鸩止渴。
愤怒的本质就是对自我无能的控诉。
(Sandra)-What do you expect me to do? I mean it's part of the job. you have to organize yourself differently. I'm not going to cancel.
(Samuel)-Am I supposed to organize myself on my own? you know we have to plan things together. like to leave Daniel alone because you go after your own.
-Leave him with Monica. what's the big deal?
-3 days a week? we have to pay her for that. we can't afford it. I need time, not a few hours. I'm talking about blocking out time for myself for the whole year. this isn't working for me anymore.
-Well, organize time differently if you want to, it's up to you.
-What's the last time you helped him do his homework? there're so many things you don't give a shit about. that's the time I'm talking about.
-Darling, the book just came out. you know very well it's just this time.
-It's always "just this time". whatever you have a book out or you're writing or you need a space to figure out what to write. [yelling] I mean I've been following your lead for years. I can't do anything with my time. do you understand? it's not my time, it's yours!
-Do I force you to teach? do I force you to homeschool Daniel? no one's forcing you. if you want to make more time for yourself, I've never stopped you.
-Are you fucking serious? I cut my course load in half to gain more time and it's still not enough. I have to finish the renovation plus I did everything else. why do you refuse to talk about it? why can't you just admit it has to do with how things are divided between us?
-Because you're wrong. I don't owe you any time. I do my part. come on, let's not take inventory here, please. let's relax. [pouring drinks] When you decided to homeschool Daniel, I told you to be careful. it's a beautiful and generous choice. I thank you for it, but you don't have to do it. I told you it would force you to...
-What? To spend more time with my son? I'm glad that I did. I wouldn't have the relationship I have with him today if I didn't.
-[wordless] You mean the relationship that I don't have with him.
-I didn't say that. I'm saying maybe, just maybe, things are a little out of balance between us. and I want you to take a look at that. why is this so hard to discuss?
-First of all, I don't believe in the notion of reciprocity in a couple. it's naive and, frankly, depressing. yes, and I think discussing it is a waste of time, considering the state you're in, seriously. all this blah-blah-blah and more time is gone. all this time spent chitchatting could be spent in silence doing whatever you want to do.
-I want time to start writing, just as same as you.
-Do it. I don't know a single writer who doesn't write just because they have a son in the house. stop whining about your scheduling bullshit and drop this logic which consists of blaming me for what you did or didn't do.
-I did live with you, I plan my life around you. If I imposed on you what you're imposing on me. neither of us would be able to write.
-Don't worry about me. I always manage to write.
-Great, perfect. if you're so sure of yourself, then adapt, that's my suggestion.
-I do adapt. I take Daniel to school.
-Once a week.
-We have Monica on Tuesdays.
-Oh, Sandra, don't be dishonest.
-I'm not, you're the one nitpicking.
-I've given you too much, too much time, too many concession. I want this time back. and you owe it to me. be fair!
-[laugh] I'm sorry, but no. Are you insane? I don't owe you anything. really. this is about your relationship with your son. and protecting yourself and your confidence because you got scared to put yourself in this position. it was your choice to come here and start this renovation. this is your trap. I don't take your time. you waste it all on your own!
-Ok I want things to change now. I want time to start writing again.
-Great, go for it. if you want my advice, go back to the one you ditched.
-What's your advice? go back to the book you plundered?
-Ok, so now it's plundering?! we've discussed it, you'd given it up.
-[laugh] You took the book's best idea. how am I supposed to just "go back" to it? do you realize how cynical that is?
-Publish your version, say it inspired me, and I'll admit to it. if something needs to be written, someone has to write it.
-Wow, you have animal vision. you pretend to be obliging, but...
-Look at you, even your bullshit moralizing, this, is a way for you to waste more time. you should be flattered that I was inspired by you. this is life. things circulate. and frankly, I wish you'd be inspired to plunder me some time.
-You're not alone in your jungle. living with you, you impose everything. you impose your rhythm, your use of time, and even your language. we meet on your turf, we speak English at home!
-I'm not on my turf. I don't speak my mother tongue.
-You don't speak mine either. even though we live here.
-Yes, it's a middle ground. because I'm not French, you're not German. so we create a middle ground. so nobody has to meet each other on their turf. this is what English is for. it's the point. you can't blame me for that.
-But we live in France. that's our reality. Daniel hears you speak a language that has nothing to do with his life. just because you impose it on him, just like everything else. we're on your turf, all the time!
-In your country! every single day I have to accept that we live in your hometown! the people you grew up with look down on me whenever I don't make the effort to smile at them. you don't think me living here counts as meeting you on your turf?!
-You never smile at anyone.
-Yeah, that's why you love me right?
-[laugh] You have no shame. that's a superpower. you see no one but yourself.
-I see you very clearly, I just don't see you as a victim.
-You impose your way of living, speaking, eating, even fucking. I could never get you to fuck any other way. because you expect me to follow your lead. that's your notion of a couple.
-[frowning] I don't have a notion, I don't give a fuck about a couple. so, you say I'm stopping you from fucking the way you want?! seriously?
-Yes.
-Be honest. who's been refusing to fuck since the accident?
-You know I meant before.
-What did I ever refuse to do sexually?
-Everything. everything. plus I have to accept that you fuck other people.
-I do not fuck other people.
-Don't deny it.
-[yelling] Once! And you cling to it! to suffer! you make yourself the victim!
-[yelling] I'm not a victim! I'm a man who's been cheated on! plundered and cheated on!
-[sigh] I can live without sex, but not forever.
-so you want to blame me? I'm the one frustrating you?
-It's not about who's...who's blaming who or who's frustrating who. the frustration is there and we're both dealing with it. I refuse to rot inside! I find a solution. at this point, sex was just a question of personal hygiene.
-But you impose your solutions, which are solutions for you only. you don't give a shit if it hurts me and Daniel.
-You leave Daniel out of this. this is not about Daniel. I do not impose anything on him. You made us live here, among the goats. You complain about the life that you chose! You're not a victim! Not at all! Your generosity conceals something dirtier and meaner! you're incapable of facing your ambitions and you resent me for it! but I'm not the one that put you where you are. I've nothing to do with it! You are not sacrificing yourself as you say! You choose to sit on the sidelines because you're afraid! Because your pride makes your head explode before you can even come up with a germ of an idea! and now you wake up at your 40, you need someone to blame! and you are the one to blame! You're petrified by your fucking standards and your fear of failure! This is the truth! You're smart, I know you know I'm right. Daniel has nothing to do with it! stop it!
-You're a monster. even Daniel says it, in his own words.
-You take that back, you piece of shit.
-He's told me countless times how hard you are. do you know that?
-He's telling you what you want to hear. He can feel your guilt and he's trying to reassure you. don't you see that?! You've never stopped feeling guilty about him!
-You're cold-hearted. you have no pity.
-Yes, and you have too much for yourself.